Lily was Jack’s first baby crush. When that didn’t work out, he speedily ejected those feelings so as to hold only Lily as a friend. Then his feelings transferred to Joe.
He was aware that his feelings for Joe were more than friendly. The thought made him feel ashamed and anxious but he felt compelled to seek Joe out.
When Joe and Lily met and subsequently started dating, Jack buried his feelings for Joe, not wanting to jeopardize his friendships with Joe and Lily.
When he met Isaac, he experienced immediate physical attraction. This attraction quickly deepened into a full blown crush as he got to know Isaac.
His crush on Isaac was more grown up as he was now 15, and included thoughts of physical contact, whereas his imagination had never made it past holding hands and pecks on the lips with Joe and Lily.
His crush on Isaac, encouraged by Isaac’s singleness and because Isaac was actually gay, fanned quickly into flames of infatuation. He searched every word Isaac spoke, every glance and gesture for encouragement. Jack had had a crush on Lily but here he began to fear that he was gay. He wasn’t interested in girls, however, his social circle was small, consisting of Joe, Lily and Isaac, and he was too shy and reserved to be interested in strangers. Also, his feelings for Isaac precluded all else.
He was deeply afraid of being gay and ashamed of his feelings for Isaac, but continued to helplessly indulge in his deep feelings for Isaac, while he told no one, it was easy for the people around him, including Isaac, to see Jack’s feelings for Isaac went beyond friendship. He talked about Isaac incessantly as well as being jealous and possessive over him. He grilled Isaac on his male friends, demanding to know whether Isaac had a crush on each one and was angry when Isaac chose to spend time with boys other than Jack, including Joe.
Encouraged by Jack’s obvious crush, Isaac eventually took matters into his own hands, taking the opportunity, during an intimate moment, to kiss Jack. Jack eagerly reciprocated but then freaked out on Isaac, demanding he keep it a secret. Isaac was bewildered and disappointed by Jack’s reactions, but his feelings for Jack were strong so he was willing to play along.
Jack had seen the way Ray was treated for being gay by his family. Jack knew that despite his father’s toleration of Ray, he would not be so tolerant were his own son gay. He also saw how Ray played Dominic off as a “friend”, though everyone knew what that really meant. Ray’s secrecy is what Jack emulated. He had also seen how Dominic was treated for being more stereotypically gay, by not only strangers but also by Ray. He equated Dominic and Isaac, Isaac being more stereotypically gay, as well as being open and out. Subconsciously, Jack recreated the dynamic between Dominic and Ray, minus the cheating (Jack was disgusted by Ray’s infidelity as well as having eyes only for Isaac.)
Jack was also concerned about the ramifications of being gay. Mainly preoccupied with being denied a “Normal” life. No children, no marriage, and constant judgment from family and strangers alike. He was concerned about being seen as inferior or less of a man, as well.
Though he had had a crush on Lily when he was young, his new feelings for Isaac, which felt grown up and serious, made the “Childish” feelings he’d had for Lily seem silly. He believed he was gay and the thought terrified him.
Jack remained unwilling to come out through high school and this put strain on Jack and Isaac’s relationship. Additionally, their relationship changed when Isaac’s sister, Esther, ran away, and when Isaac met David, his soccer coach and future boyfriend. They broke up, while Isaac insisted they were never together in the first place, which enraged Jack, still very possessive over Isaac, as much as it hurt and confused him.
In retaliation, Jack sought someone, anyone, to make Isaac jealous. He found Olivia and though he was attracted to her physically, he was unsure if it was a fluke, as his feelings for Isaac overrode all else. When he failed to make Isaac jealous, or at least, to come back to him, and Olivia got pregnant, he married Olivia, still believing that he was gay due to the discrepancy between how his feelings for Isaac and his feelings for Olivia.
If Isaac had approached him, he would have jumped ship immediately. Instead, he and Isaac gradually stopped speaking due to conflict between Jack and David, who was now Isaac’s boyfriend.
Jack may have been tempted to cheat, except that, still shy and reserved, he had no interest in anyone outside his friend group and still had eyes only for Isaac. He pined, filled with resentment and anger which grew by the day.
He felt that he had everything he *should* want, but instead there was something wrong with him - being gay.
Eventually he snaps.
When he decides to leave, he stops by Isaac’s to beg him to come with him, promising to make their relationship public. Isaac wanted Jack, but told him no because he was dependent on David financially to help his sisters and unwilling to leave his sisters and his schooling behind.
Devastated, this seals Jack’s decision to run away. Ashamed of his actions, and of his feelings for Isaac, he refuses to speak to anyone he knows, save Ray for money, and lawyers regarding his and Olivia’s divorce.
In LA, he manages to get a low wage, low status job on the crew of a movie. Isolated for the first time since meeting Lily, he suffers from Loneliness. This forces him out of his comfort zone. He starts going to gay bars, picking up guys. After each time they have sex, he feels ashamed and disgusted with himself. he still feels compelled to act on his same-sex attractions.
At work, he makes friends mainly with the women, finding it easier to interact with them than the straight guys on set. He becomes good friends with one girl, who introduces him to cocaine. To his surprise, they end up hooking up one night, causing Jack to question his sexuality.
They begin a FWB relationship and Jack branches out to hooking up with women. He realizes as he develops feelings for his FWB that he may be bisexual. On one hand, this gives him hope of a “normal” life, on the other, it increases his disgust and shame for his same-sex attractions. Still, in addition to seeking sex from women, he continues to also hook up with guys. He tries to stop hooking up with guys but finds himself unable to stop.
He comes to believe that because he *can* be attracted to women, he should only seek women and there’s no excuse for indulging his same-sex attraction. This is where he’s at when he returns from LA.
Despite his belief that he should try to be straight, when he arrives in Denver and finds out that Isaac is now single, he can’t help but reach out. Their relationship rekindles quickly, and out of fear of losing Isaac again, Jack makes their relationship public.
When his and Isaac’s relationship ends, Jack returns to one night stands and FWBs, actively avoiding a relationship. He puts his focus on rebuilding his relationship with his daughter and building a healthy coparenting arrangement with Olivia and nurturing his friendships with Joe and Lily. While far from celibate, he remains single, in part to punish himself, in part to heal, and in part because he believes he is inherently a bad boyfriend and fundamentally a bad person.
During this time, Christine begins hanging out with Joe and Lily and Jack. He had not seen her for about 4-5 years, since they were teenagers. He realizes upon seeing her for the first time that he finds her attractive, but quickly reprimands himself for those thoughts. He doesn’t feel ready for a relationship and knows that he cannot use Joe’s sister for casual sex.
Despite this, his feelings begin to grow until Isaac had been obliterated from his thoughts. He realizes, after he and Christine begin an independent friendship, that he is bisexual, and that he has to do something about his feelings for Christine.
When he and Christine get together, Jack feels a deep satisfaction with his new relationship, because his feelings for Christine are as strong as were his feelings for Isaac, and because he can settle down in the type of life he always wanted: heterosexual, and be happy and in love at the same time.
At this point he puts his bisexuality out of his head. His same-sex attraction doesn’t seem important with a steady girlfriend. He can now easily ignore this part of himself.
The catch is that because he made his relationship with Isaac public, he feels that he must tell Christine. This triggers an anxiety in her, forcing Jack to sometimes defend himself for being bisexual. It’s not a comfortable position as Jack still feels shame for his attraction to men and doesn’t like being forced to think of it.
Still, in the day to day, Jack pretends Isaac and all his experiences with men were simply a phase.
When Jack and Christine break up, Jack is as much hung up on Christine as he was Isaac, except that they have a kid together and he’s forced to continue to see her. Her affair, as well as his sudden loneliness, drives him to seek casual sex, to even the score and sooth his bruised pride.
At first, he seeks out women. Then, indignant at Christine’s biphobia - assuming he would cheat - when she ended up cheating, and because of his renewed friendship with Isaac, Jack seeks out men as well. Nothing serious happens as Jack shies away from being hurt, as well as because his journey to sobriety precludes a serious relationship. He is still hung up on Christine.
Still, developing a few FWBs of both genders, the men with whom he makes friends help him come to terms with his same-sex attraction. Isaac also plays a role in helping Jack realize it will always be who he is, even if he is in a straight relationship. He is further helped by on his journey to self-acceptance by therapy, as well as open and vulnerable conversations with Ray and Dominic, and with Jamie.
So, in the two years he and Christine are separated, he comes to accept that though he is still in love with Christine, he will always be bisexual.
He comes back to Christine knowing that she is what he wants, not simply his “in” to the heterosexual life that he craves. For her part, Christine also sheds her biphobia, trusting instead that Jack loves her and is capable of being faithful. This change in her attitude is a relief to Jack, and he is able to put to rest his internalized biphobia and shame over same-sex attraction.